brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
