I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
