Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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