My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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