the condom got lost in my hair
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
