Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we made out on top of his cat.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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