Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
