How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
