Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
