I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
