Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
