The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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