she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
