I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
vagina is talking i cant
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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