I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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