I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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