My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
