I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
