just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
