sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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