I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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