...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
