The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
