i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
