I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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