There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
