fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Randomize
