i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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