I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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