just tell him i said nine months
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
