So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
