ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
