I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
