I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
