I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
