You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
