and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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