i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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