Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
