He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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