So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
