My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
