The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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