also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
