i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
