Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
