I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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