No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
