hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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