you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
